How to Be a Howard Poet

Hey, ladies and gents, if you can rub together nineteen dollars and ninety-nine cents that were coined and printed at the U.S. Mint plus handling and shipping then I'll hit you with this limited edition kit. What's in this kit? Get this shit:

HOW TO BE A HOWARD POET.
That's right! Without preparing for years or suffering from writer's block or shedding any of a poet's tears
I'll show you how to cop a poet's props.
For no money down and with no dues paid, I'll show you the proper way to wrap headwraps and say "Ah-shay".
Ah yes, the Howard poet is a case study in dual consciousness contradictions "Apolitically" correct with a capital "A"
Everything we say is centered around either revolution or Revelations
And the clichà phrase "peace and blessings" ends even our most worldly conversations
We bust cuss-filled sermons with the steps outside of Fine Arts as our pulpit
And stay strapped with full clips of righteous or should I say "self-righteous" bullshit Yet we're anti-guns, right? F*ck Sprite!
Because image is everything and thirst ain't even half the story
Vegetarian diet is mandatory
So while we chew kush-on-the-cob and tofu sandwiches We stand oblivious to the grand tradition we're damaging We spit at that which is corporate but in our hearts we know that Cash Rules
Because soon as we leave the cipher we're on the celly with our stock broker making mad moves
We're too good for 'Bling Bling' but we say the same thing with our artsy-assed wood-carved silver and ivory jewels
And we preach that the body is a temple while on the low still trying to f*ck everything that moves
We spit mad sh*t about embracing some sort of sense of community
Yet we walk the Northwest streets and don't even speak to the residents of D.C.
We don't pay homage to Mango's, Bar Nun, or any of the other local spots
Yet we expect the patrons of all of the above to show love when our book drops
We worship Originality as if it's some sort of Egyptian deity regardless of the fact that half the sh*t you spittin is some watered-down remixed derivative of the Last Poets, Love Jones, the Black Panthers' Ten-Point Plan and Baduism
And we turn up our noses at emcees like Jigga and the Lox for their blatant shows of empty materialism
When the only alternative we offer is our blatant shows of equally empty and superficial pseudo-spiritualism
And by the way, my friend
Since when did being "spiritual" become a TREND?
So I say all this to say, yo
If this is what being a Howard poet is all about
Then excuse me as I head to the 'A' Building and go on and fill out my withdrawal form
Because degree or no degree, I gotta stay true to me
And to do that, I'ma try my damnedest
Because guess what?
I was a poet before I ever set foot on Howard's campus.